


I Don't Have a Harp

by Ordered_Chaos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Coda, Ficlet, Gen, Season 12 episode 2, why Castiel doesn't have a harp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 01:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8382574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ordered_Chaos/pseuds/Ordered_Chaos
Summary: A small ficlet about why Cas doesn’t have a harp. Season 12, episode 2 coda.





	

Different angels had different skills, Anna had told him. Some were good at reciting the Praises; some were good at defending God’s Honor; some were good at teaching the others. But Castiel was the only angel he knew of who could not play an angelic harp.

When Balthazar played, it was like listening to the sun shine. Each note seemed to paint the image of their Father himself, and Castiel felt close to Him, even though he’d never seen Him.

When Anna played, Castiel felt a deep warmth inside himself. It was like Heaven itself had moved into his heart and God was wrapping him in an endless embrace.

Once, Castiel heard Michael play. It was a rare occurrence. Michael was usually too busy directing Heaven to spend time for himself. Every angel stopped to listen. Castiel can still remember every note. It felt like the music tapped into his very Grace and pulled him headlong into tears of love. He thought about how sad it was that such music so rarely flowed through Heaven. They should help Michael more, he thought, so that he has more time to play.

When Castiel touched a harp, he always messed it up. The instrument felt bulky and awkward, and the notes never sounded right. He could never seem to reach his siblings’ skill. Even the simplest testament to his Father’s glory fell flat and dull.

Uriel accused him of not loving Him. He said Castiel was Broken, Incomplete, Unworthy. Castiel couldn’t argue. He was the only angel in all of Heaven unable to play his Father’s merit.

He gave his harp away the first chance he got. It was a simple thing on the human plane. Softly curving wood with gentle designs carved lightly into its sides. It was a warm honey-brown that made him think of the Earliest Days. It had never played right for him. Maybe it would for the lonely fisherman he left it for. He was a good man, and loved the sea like the angels loved God. He watched it every night and found peace in its constant murmur. Castiel hoped the harp would sing for him.

He did not miss it. He found God in other songs. The rise and fall of human speech. The humming of bees. Prayers. Though the music never came from him, he enjoyed listening to it. He pushed away the question of his inability and did his job. It was just another thing wrong with him. He could work through it. He had his orders.

And then he Disobeyed. Suddenly, he was adrift. He couldn’t hear his siblings’ songs weaving through the air. His mind was silent. He felt empty.

He spent a year alone. For angels, the time was just a moment. It wasn’t even as long as Michael’s rare song. Castiel listened to the silence. He found beauty in it.

And in other things.

The human world swept around him. Ever-turning. Ever-moving. Somehow it felt more Eternal than all the Hosts of Heaven. He had never heard so many songs, so many lives, all spinning together. At first it was noise. But slowly he learned to Listen.

And of course there was Dean. The Righteous Man whose song so many in Heaven tried to imitate. Castiel spent much time listening to him. Dean’s prayers made him think of Michael’s song. Pure and sad and radiant. They felt like all the world in one emotion. They felt like love.

One night, standing over Dean’s sleeping form, Castiel finds himself humming tunelessly. He stops at once. The sound of his voice is alien to him. He doesn’t want to wake Dean.

It happens again in Dean’s car. His beloved car that almost has a song of its own. He has listened to its music many times, mixed with Dean’s cassettes and unrestrained singing. Now he finds himself humming along.

“Like this one, Cas?” Dean asks, grinning. He turns up the volume and strains the engine, and Castiel smiles with him.

He learns the words quickly. They speak of something that had always been inside him, undiscovered. He realizes his harp could never have tapped that part of him. Human songs are different from angelic songs. But somehow they are still about love, and that’s really all there is to sing about.

He sings along with Dean. He wonders if God can hear them, and then he pushes the thought away. God does not belong in this space he shares with Dean. They need only this single moment.

He sings along with the radio. Uriel was right, in a way. He had been incomplete. His harp wasn’t enough. But now he has found Dean.

They sing along together.


End file.
